15

When I was 15, I was very clear on 4 things -

1) I was going to write a series of fiction books and have a career as an author, harnessing my imagination every day.

2) I would take care of animals and help in their care. Those who cannot speak.

3) I would be happy. (this was a given)

4) I would start a company, preferably design-oriented and I'd build things with others in a big way that had a positive impact in society (more fun, more useful)

Happiness for me translated to doing things I cared about, spending a lot of time with my mom having fun and seeing her enjoy life, playing with and taking care of animals and helping others.

Now a long time later, I look at these things again.

Learning...
In the last 22 years, I have achieved some of this but I have also spent a lot of time just surviving and also not always in the best company. Compassion is a beautiful thing but one must have boundaries.

Striving for Balance...
Learning how to be compassionate while being yourself takes effort. It takes will power and the willingness to readjust, to recognize your own imbalance and to be kind and caring while still remaining true to yourself. It takes effort and honesty.

The best people...

I have also discovered that just like I knew instinctively as a child, the best people that I have ever met always strive for something higher than themselves. They are innately curious and have internal purpose. I have also found that most high-achieving people who genuinely excel at what they do, are generous of spirit. They are willing to share their abundance and give back while still keeping higher standards for themselves.

This is more like how I intended to live and readjusting, helps me do that.

Making Your Own Life...
The one thing I have learned through this is you make your life. And so far, I have chosen to live a life this way, sacrificing for the unmotivated and not pursuing my own goals or using my God-given, innate talent. It’s not been fully living a life of achievement and compassion as I had envisioned. The funny thing though is once I say it aloud, it starts to manifest! Amazing really! It's like suddenly seeing a clear path in a maze or when you are hiking and you see the top of the mountain and you realize you're almost there.

Well, it's time now to do that all justice. I'd rather use my sensitivity and compassion to create in beautiful, functional and inspiring ways as I always intended.

I got to dream it up and do it! That's so liberating and natural too...

Talent...
As a kid, I was very idealistic. I was also very protected and innocent. But I had an unwavering faith and complete confidence. Everything was easy for me. I was always curious and eager to learn and experience. I trusted in the goodness of life and people.  Who I was at 15 inspires me greatly today to get back on track and to achieve those goals that were so easy then but got harder when I followed another path. There was a flow and an ease, free of distractions or demands. Challenges were inviting. How can I create? In what new ways? Anything was possible.

That brings us to the present moment. It is time to bring that ease and that talent back to the forefront and to use the persistence I've learned these past years in the things that always mattered. Time to build up!

And on a last note, no one ever defines who you are. Only you do. So choose big. : )

The Agony and The Ecstasy

Michelangelo’s drawings

Morning, folks.  :)

Some days when I awaken, I am filled with sensations from past memories and experiences. They sift through my mind during the morning and finally fade as I fully engage with the day. Today I remember my uncle, my mom's older brother by more than twenty years, who taught me the joy of reading. I grew up reading a lot and being read to by my lovely babysitter, who is still like a mother to me today! We read together so many classics and the Roman and Greek tragedies. I loved fairy tales from Hans Christian Anderson to Norse legends (my favorite) and even Russian folk tales (with Baba Yaga). I treasured the weekends when my mom would come and lie in my bed for a little while and read me a story on occasion. She'd tell me stories about brave and noble people. Sometimes, she'd sing to me. She's got a beautiful voice.

When I was ten years old, I stayed over at my uncle's house for the summer. It was really hot and I was bored. My brother was away on a day trip having an adventure and I was not too happy to be left behind. My uncle was an ambassador and he was busy with many people that day. He saw my bored expression though and came over to me. He said, "You can never be bored when you've got a book." Then he led me to his library and told me to pick out any book I wanted. I figured I should get a big book to last the day so I picked out The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone.

If you have not read it before, the book is about Michelangelo. It's beautifully and simply written. Maybe that is redundant - beautiful and simple - since any good communication would be simple, wouldn't it? Anyways, I picked this book up and plopped down in one of the comfy chairs in the lounge area. I got interested right away. I looked up after a few minutes to see my uncle smiling at me. He nodded and left.

It was almost evening when he returned. I remember because the sky was purple and orange. I felt a slight desperation - I had just a few more pages left to read, twenty at most. I did not want to stop. My uncle came towards me. He looked surprised and asked me if I had eaten. I said no as I was waiting for him to come. He smiled and then I said more honestly, "Well actually, I wanted to finish the book so I told my mom I would wait for you." He laughed. He said he would wash up and then after I was ready, we could eat together. And so we did.

Since that time, I have loved books. From the age of ten to fifteen, I read every possible book I could get my hands on. That education was priceless. I found when I went to graduate school that I was reading the books I read at ten.

These days I think, with such a wonderful beginning, how could I not be an author today?